Everyone should have a goal. long term or short term, I've always felt like while I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going that one day I'd be exactly where I wanted, that one day things owls just magically fall into place and maybe they still will.

I've learnt a really important lesson lately and that's that I can't control everything, as much as I'd really like to, a lot of things going on in my life are not within my control. I can't control more things than I can and while this used to bother me quite a lot, I've grown accustomed to just letting things happen and then I get to actually enjoy it when I control something.

I have goals, I have ideas and ambitions about the things I can control, what I'll become, who I'll love and How to support those I care about. I have 5 long terms goals, things that I'd like to accomplish by the time I die. It's a motivated bucket list.

1. I'd like to own a house. Actually have it as mine and so I can do what I want to it, like put in a swimming pool or something.

2. I'd like to get married, assuming there's someone out there for everyone, even me.

3. I'd like a couple of kids, the idea of that deep attachment to another being is amazing to me, even if I end up adopting, Id like to experience that kind of unconditional love for myself.

4. I'd like to keep writing, a blog with maybe ten loyal readers; who read 90% of my posts is enough for me. I just want to keep this... For me, my creative outlet.

5. I'd like to always be close to my family, I love them with all my heart and they have all, in their own way supported and helped me through stuff. If you could choose family...

I'd choose 2012 Brangelina, right after brad proposed, obviously.

Then I'd choose my family, you know if Brangelina wouldn't have me.

It's good to have things to shoot for even if they're years and years away. They're the things you carry in the back of your mind, the things you hope to happen in your life.

Do you have goals like this?
Anything that could be months or years away, but something that matters to you, that you want for you.

Let me know in the comments down below if you have one of those long term, hopefully one day sort of goals, I'd love to know. 

Cheers

I have a jar. It's not got dirt in it but it does contain bits of paper that help me with what to write.

They were for journalling, to get into the habit of writing everyday to flex my creative muscles but they have turned out pretty helpful in deciding what to write about. I have my mumma pick out a note  which has worked out really well the last few days.

Todays prompt is As a child what did you want to be went you grew up?

In hindsight, I had no idea what the hell I wanted to do and in truth I still don't. I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I followed my creativity into college and that's why I ended up in design, I ended up in graphic design because I can't draw by hand very well.

When I was at school we had to choose our path in life at a really young age. I was maybe 14 when I decided what I was going to study at GCSE level and those choices would affect what we'd study in further education. This is a terrifying thought and really a nod to how messed up our education system is.

I was lost in these choices, I chose the things I liked, I knew I like art and working with my hands so textiles was  also there. I had to then choose other things, like business studies that I failed and Religious education that I didn't fail. We have this thing where I'm from called Sixth Form, It's like year 12, it's what you do after finishing high school but were you can stay at the school you've been going to. I always knew I didn't want to stay at that school so when I was looking at colleges, I managed to choose the furthest away where I had an hour and half bus journey either way and I loved it.

I found myself at college. I got away from my formative years and found who I was.

I was loud and bossy and self conscious. I still am all those things.

I didn't know my life, I didn't know what I wanted to become, who does at 14 years of age.
I've so far lived my life on my terms, I've so far lived doing what I wanted, what I enjoyed.

What did you want to when you grew up?
Did you know what you wanted to be?
Were you one of those people who had it all in mind from the start or did you stumble your way into the life you have now?

Cheers

This mornings blog prompt asks me:
What is you're most vivid memory of the kitchen table as a child?

This question takes me back years to a large oval oak dinner table that stood proud place in the middle of our kitchen and held many a Christmas dinner and far too many slightly offensive jokes for me to recount all of. It wasn't just a table. It was a beacon, it was a hub. It was a place to throw my schoolbag while I shucked off my uniform and it was home to hundreds of marks of homework and craft projects; it was home to coffee rings as a central gathering point for family discussions and arguments about inane things.

The kitchen itself bordered a large pale yellow room. Our kitchens where yellow because yellow is happy and bright and it just felt right. We had so much counter space even if half of it would be taken by countless appliances and kitchen gadgets that we managed to acquire over years and some of which we still have.

There is, in existence, years worth of pictures of my relatives gathered around this table. Cousins in nappies and nieces with toy lawn mowers and an incredible amount of love. The dinner table is my most vivid memory of out kitchen as a child. Piling things onto the dinner table where we'd have day long baking sessions and effortlessly moving around my mum and my sister in an endeavour to help, watch, learn, everything.

When we moved (downsized) We had to leave our table behind. We had to leave the memories of everything that happened there with another family. For another family to add to. Our kitchen table (that also had sections to make it even bigger) was like those door frames where you'd measure your height from a young age, we had one of those to and I took several picture before we left. It's the marks you make on things that hold the most sentiment.

I think this is funny because it's ground into you that to write or draw on something is to destroy its worth but with things like tables and door frames is makes them special. The marks of things made them home.

Out kitchen now is about the size of our downstairs toilet at the house but we make it work. We still own some of those wicked appliances that let us make our own sausages and bake until we can't bake anymore. I still adore the moments where Me and Mumma are moving around each other, even in a significantly smaller space. And that always gets me waxing poetic about my family and how much I love them and how different things might have been if one tiny thing had changed, if we'd never moved back from Spain or if dad had stuck around.

That's a conversation for another day.

If found some really great quotes by some really cool people about the kitchen and I thought I'd throw them in here.

I got all my boyhood in vanilla winter waves around the kitchen stove - Jack Kerouac

In examining the potential of individuals, we must focus on their strengths and not just their mistakes. We cannot be limited by what we spill in the kitchen. - William Pollard

I really liked that one.

I started at 5 years old at the kitchen table with my family supporting me. I know where I'm from and I known exactly where I'm going. - Celine Dion

This next one sounds like something I'd do. 

If there's something in the kitchen I like, it must be eaten. I try not to leave any snack I wouldn't want to eat on a daily basis in the cupboard. - Jenna Ushkowitz

This I can relate to on a very deep level.

I've been my mom's kitchen helper since I was a kid. - Taylor Swift.

Since my kitchen is the most important part of my home, I want to be creative and innovative, not only in its aesthetic but also in the tools I'm using. - Blake Lively.

As usual It's time to turn it back onto you marvellous people.
What's your most vivid memory of the kitchen as a child?

Cheers

We're a small family so this isn't all that easy.

We've never really been the family who has huge parties where all of the family comes because when all of the family used to be less than 20 people and more than half of those where cousins who I don't really see anymore.

Our family has grown of late with two arrivals due this year and a whole new section of family via my brothers girlfriend so I suppose now, if we got what I would consider the whole family together it would be considerably larger with Jen's Family and all of my sisters boyfriends family we could probably have enough people to rent out a small village hall with a fair amount of excited children.

In my eyes, family is someone whom you share a bond with and by bond I mean that my blood relate sister had a son with her boyfriend and while I've always considered him family, to me, all of his relations (blood or otherwise) are family to me to. Likewise with my brother, (actually stepbrother but they've been in my life since I was two so it seems inaccurate to call them anything else) his previous marriage gave him two daughters and with his girlfriends kids, her family and a new arrival due this spring would give us a very large gathering, that large in fact that a good portion of those I'd call family wouldn't even know each other.

We're also quite spread out now, I was talking with a very good old friend of mine about this just the other day. We got talking about how after high school everyone just sort of disappears and goes there of their own way and while this hasn't greatly affected me (it's common to not keep in touch with school friends) up until last year it seems that with my other brother now moving away to work his dream job we're spreading out even more.

We've always been close otherwise though, not always geographically but in terms of keeping contact and telling each other things and I've always loved that and while that's not changed too much it has become apparent that distance isn't always conducive to keeping close relationships.

It's hard having grown up to close with my sister for her to now be halfway across the country and while I've not had the same relationship with my other brother, I must admit it will be quite strange to not have him around again.

I don't think I had a favourite relative growing up and if I had to pinpoint one, I'd probably say one of the 11 of 12 cousins that I had because we where almost the same age and bonded over boys or something.

Again I'm going to turn the questions back now.

As a kid was there any one relative that you loved more than everyone else, a grandparent or a cool auntie perhaps?

Cheers

This is actually a semi-difficult question for me, I liked a few things at school.

Thinking about it though, this could have been a lot to do with the other students in my classes and the teacher.

GSCE English was a favourite of mine but I think that has a lot to do with Mr Doddman (the only person I would allow to call me 'tina) who would be proud of the fact that I know that a lot isn't one word. I'd say it also had a fair amount to with my best friend who was also in this class but actually during my GSCE's was the time where I actually paid attention to my English and looking back now, it's where I'm improved my writing the most.

Maths in year 10. Just year ten. Well. Okay. So Year teen was the best year of maths because of the teacher but not because he helped to actually improve, he did but that was a side effect of paying attention, anyone who went to the same high school I did will remember Ben White. Mr White who tried so very hard to convince that his name was Bart. He was a crappy liar. Mr white who had my older stepbrother whilst doing his A-levels As a damn classroom assistant so I had to get everything right and ask my own damn brother for help. This was only countered by the fact that I didn't hate maths and I got to be smug when it was right. Mr White was a pretty good looking guy and most of the teenage girl and if statistics are accurate some of the boys. I had a crush on my maths teacher. I'll admit that because That crush meant that I got what I needed to when it came to the exams to get to college and I guess I'm thankful for that.

I liked art, I always did, I'm not good at drawing and though logo's are my forte they only really require imagination, which - if I can blow my own trumpet here - I'm not short of. I was also the creative kid and even now I'd rather make a bracelet than buy one. I always enjoyed following a project from research to completion and that joy followed me through BTEC Art and Design and then into HND Graphic Design at college where it was still vital that we showed how we got to a design (much to that chagrin of a few classmates). I always hoped that I'd be doing something in which I would have an outlet for my creativity and I still hope for that in my future.

I enjoyed IT, I had a few different teachers for It over the the years but I'm pretty sure my best friend was there from the year we me onwards which always made it a bloody riot. To me, IT was easy. I grew up around technology and I know my generation all did but we always had nice things in my house, laptops from the age of like 12 or 13 I think because we'd always argue over the damn desktop PC under the stairs. So it was something I always found easy, I don't think I even remember hard projects or tasks in IT, Perhaps I'll ask a few people I remember from IT classes but nothing really jumps out.

My enjoyment of science changed year to year and was deeply dependent on the teacher I had. Three teachers that taught my classes realty stood out for a few different occasions. The first was my Yr 7 form tutor Mr Dallimore. Mr Dallimore and his shag-on wagon (his old beaten up beige van that he eventually traded out for a bike). He never actually taught me in a science lesson but once during our tutor time first thing in the morning, he pulled out a static machine that a few of us got to put both hands on, that was a lot of fun.

 The second in order was Mrs Hilliyard. The teacher who enjoyed the pop that hydrogen makes when you put a flame to it, the teacher who liked to take an old water cooler container and add some nail varnish remover because it's fun and burns with a pretty purple flame or the teacher who decided that one science lesson, on her birthday that science was boring and for that hour we went outside and played British bulldog.

The third was Mr Brown, whose actually still a teacher there 6 years later and who me and my bestride got a chance to catch up with last year. I remember two main things, one of which was the brass bangle he always wore on his left wrist and the second, much more fun thing is his damn remote control car. He had a remote control Subaru and he let us drive it around the classroom once. I, of course, was the only girl who volunteered to drive it, Spoiler alert, I was awful, and it was a hell of a lot of fun. I'm not even sure I remember what the lesson was about!

Of course there are the teachers that we all hated. Mrs Mackenzie. God. This woman, I'm pretty sure she hated children, just in general because she had no patience - we know, we tested it regularly - and no sense of humour, the lesson where we'd walk in and she'd have replaced our regular teacher were the worst. I can imagine that we were probably a nightmare and I'll own up to the joy of testing her when she didn't think I was listening. (I'd be chatting to a friend, deep in conversation and she'd then call my name and ask me to repeat what she'd just said. I did, every time. Ha!) This was the woman who called more than one of my friends stupid or childish. A teacher!

I got one teacher fired before the age of 11 too. There was a sub teacher in primary school who used to try and joke with me by taunting me and I remember him once saying "nice hair shame about the face". I've asked and old school friend about his name because for the life of me I cannot think of it!

I remember maybe half of the things that I was actually taught in school and I always think of my teachers when I do get it right because I know it was because of them, it was because I had teachers who were passionate to pass hard earned knowledge about stuff. Even those teachers that I hate taught me some thing I still remember, even if it is when to keep your damn mouth shut, Doctor.

Irregardless, High school was a pretty fun time, it was a time to start trying to find out who you are, first crushes and kisses and dances and for me it was a time to find even that one friend who knows everything about me and who loves me anyway. I don't think I could pinpoint a favourite subject if I wanted to and I'm sure it changed at least monthly based on how I was feeling and let's be honest here, my mood swings were rollercoasters in school.

I want to turn it back to you now, what subject in school was your favourite and was it anything to do with the teacher?

Cheers

I can't remember meeting my best friend for the first time, I can't remember what circumstances led to us being friends or what we might have thought of each other. It was a decade ago so I think it's fair to not remember but I can hazard a guess at what could have transpired. I always assumed that, given we were in Year 8 at high school, we probably got put into a class together. I remember that for a long log time we had Maths with the same teacher and I used to help her in maths by first giving her the answer until he teacher told me to not just give her the answers but help her work through the problem slowly.

Dear me,
     
               Deep breaths. I'm from the future. I'm you 8 years from now and I've got some advice and life lessons to get you through the social maze that your life will be for the next 6 years.

1. Smile more. I know you smile a lot with your friends but just smile for no reason, laugh at funny crap on the internet laugh at mum's bad jokes because they're always going to be bad in the very best way.

2. Don't compromise on who you are for anyone. You might not really know who you are yet and that okay but don't stop doing things because you think people might think it's weird. Be true to who you are because it's important.

3. Learn to ignore snide comments and backhanded compliments. If you can ignore the ignorance of some people you'll be much happier in life.

4. Move on from your obsession of that boy that you'll probably always love. He's doesn't like you back but it's not his fault so don't blame him.

5. Learn that you are good enough and one day some amazing guy is going to see everything you are worth.

6. Love yourself first. If you don't like who you are, the way you look change it. It is possible to change it, I promise. It's hard but you can do it.

7. It's just high school. It's going to be really tough and there will be really bad moments but it's not going be the end of the world. Things really change when you get to college.

8. Keep in touch with more people. Really honest to go try to text more. Hold on to your friends. They're good people.

9. Do as much as possible. You'll get to a point in your life where you'll have no time for anything so keep finding new things to do in your life that are just fun for the sake of being fun.

10. You know your best friend. That crazy Brunette you've known for the last two years. You're still friends. Best friends, and you learn that you really wouldn't be who you are without her. Hug her more, promise to never leave her and tell her that your future self told you you'll be friends forever, because it's true.

I love you Anastasia Kavvadia <3

If you could tell your past self, at any age one sage piece of advice what would you tell yourself?

Cheers.

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Good Question, I'm 22 years old and I don't think I've figured this out yet. But that's okay.

If for some reason we were at a gathering; a fancy grown up dinner party of a mutual friend, spontaneous coffee shop interaction or something of the like and didn't know each other at all you ask me to tell you about myself?

Firstly, I'd panic. My social insecurities lie somewhere under the strong external shell I've had since high school and without thought I'd probably say something like "There's not much to tell."

Id really be selling myself short there. There's actually a lot about me.

Fun Fact: I once had a fully functional electric organ in my back garden that I used to play classic Lincoln Park riffs on because that's all I knew.

I'd have to take a minute and think about where to start but for those inevitably awkward silences but we'd probably have a beverage of some sort to sip until I produced words.

Do I think of something that might amuse or intrigue? My angry little blob of low self esteem that sits on my shoulder would say 'amuse' because humour is my defence mechanism. That would probably fail because I think I'm funnier than I am in actuality and can only produce a genuinely funny one-liner 1 out of 14 possible jokes.

So intrigue? The blob would say there's nothing intriguing or even remotely interesting about me and I'd flick it off my shoulder and squish it with my shoe.

My name is Cristina Harrison Gore.



Cristina is spelt the Spanish way because I was born there even though I'm very English. Harrison Gore is not hyphenated because they don't do that in Majorca and I don't remember anything from living there because mum relocated when I was just six months old.

I have an older sister whom I've been ridiculously close with since, well probably since I've been able to understand the forming of unconditional loving attachments. Don't misunderstand me here, we've argued but it was over pointless things and tween drama like always wearing my clothes without asking or using my shampoo.

My dad wasn't in the picture much and if he was I don't really remember him vividly. I know my memories from that age aren't all that reliable and I'm sure I heard somewhere that the more often you try to recall a memory the farther from the actual events they become. Nevertheless my mum met someone new when I was about two and began a relationship that has made the family whole. My step dad had two boys of his own and we became the blended family we are today.

I've never known any different so in my mind I've always had two brothers and a sister. The thing is we didn't always live together. For a pretty long time the boys had their flat in the middle of town at which we stayed on a semi regular basis and we had our flat before the three bedroom house that did eventually share.

I spent my childhood and most of my teenager years in a small town. A friend form college once compared it to the town from the Vicar of Dibley but I really didn't know everyone and it wasn't that small. It did mean though that when my best friend booked her eighteenth birthday party in the town/event hall and my year one teacher was serving drinks she got to see my ID and remembered me.

Rather surreal experience actually.

It's stuff like that, that in hindsight, I loved about living there. It was small, a kind of slow moving town but at the end of the day when I was kid I never worried about riding my bike on the road or walking home from the bus stop in the dark because nothing ever happened. I think that's why even now I'm not at all anxious or nervous to walk around dark streets at night.

I went to a church of England primary school. Two actually but I've never really had faith in god or a god of any kind but have great respect for those who do. I went to high school in the same town I lived in and only really began to commute when I started college in Poole.

I was overly outspoken in school and often pretended not to care what people though even though I obviously did. I was known to be loud because it was my defence but I cared. It wasn't really until after high school I sort of found myself. I became more relaxed in who I was and even though I was still loud that was okay because I had good friends. I found my style in college too and even though it's kind of grown up with me over the last six years the basis of my style started age sixteen as did my daily frustrations caused by winged eyeliner. I still can't always get them even and still get really excited when I do.

I started BTEC Level 3 Art and Design in 2012 and then onto HND Graphic Design in 2014.I met some very interesting people along the way. The fine arts teacher who was amazingly eccentric and a good laugh, some memorable crushes on both fellow students and one or two of the TA's about which I received endless grief from friends; and those friends, some of which I'm still in touch with and some drifted away got married and appeared on a English cooking TV show on channel four with her brother in law.

The latter half introduced even more people mixed with some that I'd been with the previous two years and I met 'Captain Pretentious'. He introduced me to whiskey and obscure films that I'd never have watched if not for him and consequently love. A friendship with benefits happened and we're still really good friends to this day; some people can't understand how we're still friends after we've slept together and that amuses me.

Since college I've been freelancing for Erin L Interiors whose a start up from Basingstoke and I've also been a full time career for my Mum.

This has it's own ups and downs and if I find the courage I might talk about some of them.

I'll finish up this introductory 'about me' post with a question.

If someone asked you for three words that described you, what words would you give?

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