Right now there are 6 people in space. Above my head as I write this there is a plane. A British airways flight from San Jose to London. I know this because I can track it.

Boeing 777-236(ER)

This type of aircraft, this exact type according to the  British Airways website can carry up to 280 in a three or four class seating system. At any given moment you can check out what's above you.

Check this out...
Head to Planefinder.net



This was just moments ago.

You gotta stop to think for a second do you not?

At any given time there are hundred of people far above your head and then up to a dozen even higher, in space. It's make the world seem pretty small when you think about. When you look up at a planes soaring through the air do you  stop to think about the people.

I do.


Every single person up there has a life. Every single person soaring at hundreds of miles per hour above your head has a story and a reason to be going places. I think of the people who area going on holidays while the weather here is cold. I think of the smartly dressed men with to-go bags in  business class who are always on planes. I think of the celebrities that could be off the ground right now; travelling home or to another set in some amazing country for that new blockbuster.
I think of the children, used to planes or not. Children that are tired or stressed and making a fuss that's kind of bugging that dude in front because the kid is kicking his seat. I think of the people who are going on their honeymoon, can't keep they're hands off each other and have seriously thought about joining the mile high club. If that's just on one plane...

The same happens if I'm feeling a little lonely while walking anywhere, every person in a car that passes has a life, a story and a reason for being exactly there when they pass you or stop at traffic lights to let you cross.


There are 7,600,320,167 in this world right now that that number is increasing by the second. That's over 7 and half billion people who are in body just like you, who experience the world in the same way you do but also in a very different way. You are part of the Worlds population. Part of a global need to grow and love and surround ourselves with people we love. There are over 7 and half billion people on this planet and right now there's a good chance that someone out there feels a little bit like you do.

There's a good chance, with that many other people in this world, you'll never been alone.

I'll never be alone. That is a nice thought.

Cheers.

Throughout my life I've always been he kind of girl who wanted to please everyone, be a good friend and do things for others even if I didn't really want to or know how to. Some old friends would be more than happy to tell you that I've always tried to please everyone and that I'll try to avoid conflict where possible, my job as a mediator in year 11 at high school was a direct result of this behaviour.

2011 - That's me in the dead centre, where I always pretended I wanted to be. (I don't know whose hand that is?)

I thought I needed to be pretty and thin and sporty to be popular at school, I thought that I needed to be all those things to have a boyfriend. I had a few in the 4 years at high school and I remember almost all of them and sometimes when I look back I think about the ones I broke up with. There's one that stands out that I think I made a mistake breaking up him with and in fact I did it because I was young, and scared of feelings.

Still kinda am...

Hard truth?

I seek approval in every part of my life from basically everyone.
I always have and might continue to for the rest of my life.
I know it's not entirely healthy behaviour and while I talk a good game, I'm wildly insecure about almost everything. I have to laugh at that, not only because it's 100% true but also it's a little sad that I still feel like I'm not enough.

I am enough.

While the mainstream media used to teach us that we had to look a certain way, and now tries to back track on that and teach us to love ourselves no matter how we look, it's never quite worked with me.

Confidence is sexy, you'll find a man if your are confident.
How can you expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself first?

It's always been drilled into me that I needed to exude confidence like pheromones if I was to attract a mate. I'm 22, and parts of me jiggle when I laugh!
They're jiggling now because I'm laughing at the word jiggle.

Why is it so hard to let go of what people think?

I wonder what people think when I'm walking down the street, if people look at my clothes in disgust. I make an effort to dress well everyday, even if I'm not really going out. I make an effort with my appearance, while I've always said it makes me feel good, I don't want people to judge me, inwardly or otherwise. I guess, thinking of a post from a few days ago about long terms #goals I should add to that, the acceptance of myself. I am making changes but changing my opinion of myself may take a little more time.

You know what though, I'll get there. The one thing I am confident in is my ability to grow. I've grown so much since high school, not just width ways, but in how I see the world. The world is changing along with me and I love it.

Is there anyone in your life who you still seek approval from? Someone you know you maybe shouldn't react to when they use a judging tone but it still hurts? I'm here to talk and if you want to message me privately about really anything, you can email me at - cristinagore@hotmail.com

I'm friendly and I don't bite I promise.

Cheers

Everyone should have a goal. long term or short term, I've always felt like while I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going that one day I'd be exactly where I wanted, that one day things owls just magically fall into place and maybe they still will.

I've learnt a really important lesson lately and that's that I can't control everything, as much as I'd really like to, a lot of things going on in my life are not within my control. I can't control more things than I can and while this used to bother me quite a lot, I've grown accustomed to just letting things happen and then I get to actually enjoy it when I control something.

I have goals, I have ideas and ambitions about the things I can control, what I'll become, who I'll love and How to support those I care about. I have 5 long terms goals, things that I'd like to accomplish by the time I die. It's a motivated bucket list.

1. I'd like to own a house. Actually have it as mine and so I can do what I want to it, like put in a swimming pool or something.

2. I'd like to get married, assuming there's someone out there for everyone, even me.

3. I'd like a couple of kids, the idea of that deep attachment to another being is amazing to me, even if I end up adopting, Id like to experience that kind of unconditional love for myself.

4. I'd like to keep writing, a blog with maybe ten loyal readers; who read 90% of my posts is enough for me. I just want to keep this... For me, my creative outlet.

5. I'd like to always be close to my family, I love them with all my heart and they have all, in their own way supported and helped me through stuff. If you could choose family...

I'd choose 2012 Brangelina, right after brad proposed, obviously.

Then I'd choose my family, you know if Brangelina wouldn't have me.

It's good to have things to shoot for even if they're years and years away. They're the things you carry in the back of your mind, the things you hope to happen in your life.

Do you have goals like this?
Anything that could be months or years away, but something that matters to you, that you want for you.

Let me know in the comments down below if you have one of those long term, hopefully one day sort of goals, I'd love to know. 

Cheers

I have a jar. It's not got dirt in it but it does contain bits of paper that help me with what to write.

They were for journalling, to get into the habit of writing everyday to flex my creative muscles but they have turned out pretty helpful in deciding what to write about. I have my mumma pick out a note  which has worked out really well the last few days.

Todays prompt is As a child what did you want to be went you grew up?

In hindsight, I had no idea what the hell I wanted to do and in truth I still don't. I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I followed my creativity into college and that's why I ended up in design, I ended up in graphic design because I can't draw by hand very well.

When I was at school we had to choose our path in life at a really young age. I was maybe 14 when I decided what I was going to study at GCSE level and those choices would affect what we'd study in further education. This is a terrifying thought and really a nod to how messed up our education system is.

I was lost in these choices, I chose the things I liked, I knew I like art and working with my hands so textiles was  also there. I had to then choose other things, like business studies that I failed and Religious education that I didn't fail. We have this thing where I'm from called Sixth Form, It's like year 12, it's what you do after finishing high school but were you can stay at the school you've been going to. I always knew I didn't want to stay at that school so when I was looking at colleges, I managed to choose the furthest away where I had an hour and half bus journey either way and I loved it.

I found myself at college. I got away from my formative years and found who I was.

I was loud and bossy and self conscious. I still am all those things.

I didn't know my life, I didn't know what I wanted to become, who does at 14 years of age.
I've so far lived my life on my terms, I've so far lived doing what I wanted, what I enjoyed.

What did you want to when you grew up?
Did you know what you wanted to be?
Were you one of those people who had it all in mind from the start or did you stumble your way into the life you have now?

Cheers

This mornings blog prompt asks me:
What is you're most vivid memory of the kitchen table as a child?

This question takes me back years to a large oval oak dinner table that stood proud place in the middle of our kitchen and held many a Christmas dinner and far too many slightly offensive jokes for me to recount all of. It wasn't just a table. It was a beacon, it was a hub. It was a place to throw my schoolbag while I shucked off my uniform and it was home to hundreds of marks of homework and craft projects; it was home to coffee rings as a central gathering point for family discussions and arguments about inane things.

The kitchen itself bordered a large pale yellow room. Our kitchens where yellow because yellow is happy and bright and it just felt right. We had so much counter space even if half of it would be taken by countless appliances and kitchen gadgets that we managed to acquire over years and some of which we still have.

There is, in existence, years worth of pictures of my relatives gathered around this table. Cousins in nappies and nieces with toy lawn mowers and an incredible amount of love. The dinner table is my most vivid memory of out kitchen as a child. Piling things onto the dinner table where we'd have day long baking sessions and effortlessly moving around my mum and my sister in an endeavour to help, watch, learn, everything.

When we moved (downsized) We had to leave our table behind. We had to leave the memories of everything that happened there with another family. For another family to add to. Our kitchen table (that also had sections to make it even bigger) was like those door frames where you'd measure your height from a young age, we had one of those to and I took several picture before we left. It's the marks you make on things that hold the most sentiment.

I think this is funny because it's ground into you that to write or draw on something is to destroy its worth but with things like tables and door frames is makes them special. The marks of things made them home.

Out kitchen now is about the size of our downstairs toilet at the house but we make it work. We still own some of those wicked appliances that let us make our own sausages and bake until we can't bake anymore. I still adore the moments where Me and Mumma are moving around each other, even in a significantly smaller space. And that always gets me waxing poetic about my family and how much I love them and how different things might have been if one tiny thing had changed, if we'd never moved back from Spain or if dad had stuck around.

That's a conversation for another day.

If found some really great quotes by some really cool people about the kitchen and I thought I'd throw them in here.

I got all my boyhood in vanilla winter waves around the kitchen stove - Jack Kerouac

In examining the potential of individuals, we must focus on their strengths and not just their mistakes. We cannot be limited by what we spill in the kitchen. - William Pollard

I really liked that one.

I started at 5 years old at the kitchen table with my family supporting me. I know where I'm from and I known exactly where I'm going. - Celine Dion

This next one sounds like something I'd do. 

If there's something in the kitchen I like, it must be eaten. I try not to leave any snack I wouldn't want to eat on a daily basis in the cupboard. - Jenna Ushkowitz

This I can relate to on a very deep level.

I've been my mom's kitchen helper since I was a kid. - Taylor Swift.

Since my kitchen is the most important part of my home, I want to be creative and innovative, not only in its aesthetic but also in the tools I'm using. - Blake Lively.

As usual It's time to turn it back onto you marvellous people.
What's your most vivid memory of the kitchen as a child?

Cheers

We're a small family so this isn't all that easy.

We've never really been the family who has huge parties where all of the family comes because when all of the family used to be less than 20 people and more than half of those where cousins who I don't really see anymore.

Our family has grown of late with two arrivals due this year and a whole new section of family via my brothers girlfriend so I suppose now, if we got what I would consider the whole family together it would be considerably larger with Jen's Family and all of my sisters boyfriends family we could probably have enough people to rent out a small village hall with a fair amount of excited children.

In my eyes, family is someone whom you share a bond with and by bond I mean that my blood relate sister had a son with her boyfriend and while I've always considered him family, to me, all of his relations (blood or otherwise) are family to me to. Likewise with my brother, (actually stepbrother but they've been in my life since I was two so it seems inaccurate to call them anything else) his previous marriage gave him two daughters and with his girlfriends kids, her family and a new arrival due this spring would give us a very large gathering, that large in fact that a good portion of those I'd call family wouldn't even know each other.

We're also quite spread out now, I was talking with a very good old friend of mine about this just the other day. We got talking about how after high school everyone just sort of disappears and goes there of their own way and while this hasn't greatly affected me (it's common to not keep in touch with school friends) up until last year it seems that with my other brother now moving away to work his dream job we're spreading out even more.

We've always been close otherwise though, not always geographically but in terms of keeping contact and telling each other things and I've always loved that and while that's not changed too much it has become apparent that distance isn't always conducive to keeping close relationships.

It's hard having grown up to close with my sister for her to now be halfway across the country and while I've not had the same relationship with my other brother, I must admit it will be quite strange to not have him around again.

I don't think I had a favourite relative growing up and if I had to pinpoint one, I'd probably say one of the 11 of 12 cousins that I had because we where almost the same age and bonded over boys or something.

Again I'm going to turn the questions back now.

As a kid was there any one relative that you loved more than everyone else, a grandparent or a cool auntie perhaps?

Cheers

This is actually a semi-difficult question for me, I liked a few things at school.

Thinking about it though, this could have been a lot to do with the other students in my classes and the teacher.

GSCE English was a favourite of mine but I think that has a lot to do with Mr Doddman (the only person I would allow to call me 'tina) who would be proud of the fact that I know that a lot isn't one word. I'd say it also had a fair amount to with my best friend who was also in this class but actually during my GSCE's was the time where I actually paid attention to my English and looking back now, it's where I'm improved my writing the most.

Maths in year 10. Just year ten. Well. Okay. So Year teen was the best year of maths because of the teacher but not because he helped to actually improve, he did but that was a side effect of paying attention, anyone who went to the same high school I did will remember Ben White. Mr White who tried so very hard to convince that his name was Bart. He was a crappy liar. Mr white who had my older stepbrother whilst doing his A-levels As a damn classroom assistant so I had to get everything right and ask my own damn brother for help. This was only countered by the fact that I didn't hate maths and I got to be smug when it was right. Mr White was a pretty good looking guy and most of the teenage girl and if statistics are accurate some of the boys. I had a crush on my maths teacher. I'll admit that because That crush meant that I got what I needed to when it came to the exams to get to college and I guess I'm thankful for that.

I liked art, I always did, I'm not good at drawing and though logo's are my forte they only really require imagination, which - if I can blow my own trumpet here - I'm not short of. I was also the creative kid and even now I'd rather make a bracelet than buy one. I always enjoyed following a project from research to completion and that joy followed me through BTEC Art and Design and then into HND Graphic Design at college where it was still vital that we showed how we got to a design (much to that chagrin of a few classmates). I always hoped that I'd be doing something in which I would have an outlet for my creativity and I still hope for that in my future.

I enjoyed IT, I had a few different teachers for It over the the years but I'm pretty sure my best friend was there from the year we me onwards which always made it a bloody riot. To me, IT was easy. I grew up around technology and I know my generation all did but we always had nice things in my house, laptops from the age of like 12 or 13 I think because we'd always argue over the damn desktop PC under the stairs. So it was something I always found easy, I don't think I even remember hard projects or tasks in IT, Perhaps I'll ask a few people I remember from IT classes but nothing really jumps out.

My enjoyment of science changed year to year and was deeply dependent on the teacher I had. Three teachers that taught my classes realty stood out for a few different occasions. The first was my Yr 7 form tutor Mr Dallimore. Mr Dallimore and his shag-on wagon (his old beaten up beige van that he eventually traded out for a bike). He never actually taught me in a science lesson but once during our tutor time first thing in the morning, he pulled out a static machine that a few of us got to put both hands on, that was a lot of fun.

 The second in order was Mrs Hilliyard. The teacher who enjoyed the pop that hydrogen makes when you put a flame to it, the teacher who liked to take an old water cooler container and add some nail varnish remover because it's fun and burns with a pretty purple flame or the teacher who decided that one science lesson, on her birthday that science was boring and for that hour we went outside and played British bulldog.

The third was Mr Brown, whose actually still a teacher there 6 years later and who me and my bestride got a chance to catch up with last year. I remember two main things, one of which was the brass bangle he always wore on his left wrist and the second, much more fun thing is his damn remote control car. He had a remote control Subaru and he let us drive it around the classroom once. I, of course, was the only girl who volunteered to drive it, Spoiler alert, I was awful, and it was a hell of a lot of fun. I'm not even sure I remember what the lesson was about!

Of course there are the teachers that we all hated. Mrs Mackenzie. God. This woman, I'm pretty sure she hated children, just in general because she had no patience - we know, we tested it regularly - and no sense of humour, the lesson where we'd walk in and she'd have replaced our regular teacher were the worst. I can imagine that we were probably a nightmare and I'll own up to the joy of testing her when she didn't think I was listening. (I'd be chatting to a friend, deep in conversation and she'd then call my name and ask me to repeat what she'd just said. I did, every time. Ha!) This was the woman who called more than one of my friends stupid or childish. A teacher!

I got one teacher fired before the age of 11 too. There was a sub teacher in primary school who used to try and joke with me by taunting me and I remember him once saying "nice hair shame about the face". I've asked and old school friend about his name because for the life of me I cannot think of it!

I remember maybe half of the things that I was actually taught in school and I always think of my teachers when I do get it right because I know it was because of them, it was because I had teachers who were passionate to pass hard earned knowledge about stuff. Even those teachers that I hate taught me some thing I still remember, even if it is when to keep your damn mouth shut, Doctor.

Irregardless, High school was a pretty fun time, it was a time to start trying to find out who you are, first crushes and kisses and dances and for me it was a time to find even that one friend who knows everything about me and who loves me anyway. I don't think I could pinpoint a favourite subject if I wanted to and I'm sure it changed at least monthly based on how I was feeling and let's be honest here, my mood swings were rollercoasters in school.

I want to turn it back to you now, what subject in school was your favourite and was it anything to do with the teacher?

Cheers

We've owned some pretty cool things in our family.

My step dad knows a lot of people who deal antiques and that means that he's bought home some pretty interesting things.

The first one to note is a pub slot machine.

This is mum on her first go. We used it as a change pot mostly, we'd gather up anything under 50p and use put it in until we ran out. It was one of those things that was completely ridiculous and a hell a lot of fun. It was moved around the house once or twice too, started in the kitchen then into the living room where my niece would get the coins out the bottom and put them in her dress like a pocket.

The second thing of note was an electric organ. I'm mad that I couldn't find a picture that I took of our organs but it looked a little something like this.  We kept ours in the garden because we really didn't have anywhere else to put it and when we had to get rid of it I kept the Wurlitzer badge that is in a box of mementos along with a stupid flexi-pencil thing from some museum and a tissue paper colour chart when I made in school.

Another few things that include our oak chest of draws on which sits our TV. along with mountains and mountains on wool for mum and embroidery thread for me. Another - easily - £100 worth of sewing supplies of which we made fantastic use of.

It's one of those times, and my step dad is one of those prime examples of - It's not what you know, it's who you know. He's one of those people who knows someone everywhere we go. He's been to The Flogit! Presenters house (Paul Martin) to talk about some cool old stuff. He's also met a number of known TV Presenters of shows like Antiques Road trip such as Charlie Ross, whose is lovely, apparently. I'm sure to some of you reading this will mean nothing but to us, in this house...
For us, who are subjected to these TV shows over dinner that much that we kinda enjoy it, it's kinda cool.

There's a lot of things that you might not know about your closest friends, the thing is, you just have to ask. If you want to know something, ask me. I might take a little time to formulate and answer or tell you that it's hard to talk about but usually I'll give you an answer. I'd say I'm quite a trusting person and if you've earned it, I'm an open book.

Trust is important and it's hard sometimes to put that trust in people who are relative strangers but when you put your trust in the right people, friendships are born.

Trust me.

Cheers

I never really thought I had a reason to blog, I'm not famous and I'm not suffering from nothing life threatening. I don't really have a story.

I guess initially it was a way for me to get my feelings out. I write when I need to make sense of something or because I just need to express it and if that is then posted then you all get to read the inner workings of my conscious mind.

I think now though, it's evolved from that. It still is a way or me to talk through everything with the imaginary being on the other side, and for that it's pretty therapeutic but it's also becoming more about connection.There's so much noise in life. TV and film, magazines and who's been photo shopped and why? There's so much distraction from what, in essence, I believe everyone is truly craving.

Genuine human connection.

I'm going to bare my soul a little here. I'm surround by people I love, my family and friends are everything but sometimes I'm still lonely. I'm single and I have been for, ohhh... Three years, going on, thing is I'm honestly perfectly happy on my own with no one else to worry about (anyone who knows me well can attest). I just think as I'm hurtling towards 25 at a speed of life that I'd not think I can keep up with, half of my school friends are either engaged, married or have kids and I'm sitting back here, behind my desk wondering what the actual hell just happened. Did I blink and miss the part where my life is supposed to happen? Did I take the wrong turn and miss meeting the person who will change my life or is that just me?

They say if you don't like something to change it. Only you have control over your life.

Excuse my Explicit language. I think this is bollocks.

Sure, on some level as you're growing up there are 10X more things that you can control about your life that you couldn't when you were a kid, like your bedtime and when you eat but sometimes, but even at 22 there are 100 more things about my life that I can't control and I think,  I need to remember that I can't control everything and for now that's okay, a few more years and just maybe I'll be where I think I should be. Maybe I'll be right here, but that's okay too.

I guess the reason I started this blog was to get my thoughts out but I think if i can make just one person read one of these things and go 'uhh, you know what, I'm a bit like that and that makes me feel better' then I'm on a good track.

I'd love to know what you guys are think about this, any of what's above here and you're more than welcome to throw some comments down below.

Cheers.

I was literally crying not ten minutes ago.

Why?

Onions. Pickling Onions to be specific because it's the time of year where one might set to preparing pickling onions in time for Christmas and that's the kind of thing we do in our house so I was crying earlier.

I always think in those moments where I'm stood shoulder to shoulder with mum int he kitchen and we're prepping or cleaning or cooking. I think in those moments how different my whole life you be if the roles of my blended family were reversed. I think how different it would be if it were mum who'd left and not dad. I think about how different my life would be with out mum. The answer is actually pretty awful.

From Left: Mum, Me and Nicole (My Sister)

I'm a lot like my mum, I'm really glad about that too. She's caring and compassionate. Funny and very pretty. She's so strong and occasionally a little too stubborn for her own good.

She knows we love her and that without her me and my sister wouldn't be who we are and sometime I am so grateful for those moments where we move round each other in our tiny little kitchen with ease because we've done it so many times and where would be I without those moments where we get to just hang out albeit, sometimes unproductive and filled with Minecraft.

Still. I think it's really important to think about the what ifs of life.
What if we never moved back from Spain and I grew up there?
What if I didn't go the High school that I did?
What if I stayed at sixth form instead of going to college?

I think about these and I couldn't keep count of the number of people whom I'd never have met if not for where I went to school or lived.

-

On a more serious note.

I had an emotional meltdown yesterday. Full on temper tantrum. I'm 22 years old but sometimes my mood swings are crazy and so am I... hehe .

It was over something ridiculous too. Something I know I could have done if I'd just stopped and breathed and thought for a second but instead, I cried and gave up and had a nice hot bath to relax.
Then I apologised to mum whom I'd cried to and snapped at because I'm actually still a four year old at heart and can't handle things sometimes.

When was the last time you cried? Was it happy or sad or silly?

Throw me a comment down below and we'll chat about it.

Cheers.